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I am often asked for recommendations about books, articles, amd other resources related to neurodiversity and relationships.
In recent years, the availability of thoughtful material has grown significantly. This is encouraging. At the same time, not everything that is widely circulated is equally nuanced or helpful. My general recommendation is to read with discernment and to notice what clarifies your own experience rather than trying to match your relationship to any single description.
No two autistic individuals are alike. No two neurodiverse relationships unfold in the same way. What is useful is not whether something fits perfectly, but whether it helps you think more clearly.
Reading With Care
At the level of biology, autism is autism. But autism is not all there is to a person.
Personality, temperament, intelligence, culture, family history, education, values, and life experience all shape how neurodiversity is expressed. If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person.
You may find that some descriptions resonate strongly while others do not. Both reactions are valid. Use what you encounter as information, not as definition.
Be especially cautious about terms or narratives that encourage you to see yourself or your partner as trapped in a fixed role. Real relationships are more complex than any category can capture.
Common Pitfalls to Keep in Mind
You may encounter:
popular labels that oversimplify lived experience
media portrayals that exaggerate or caricature autism
online quizzes presented as diagnostic tools
These can sometimes be informative, but they are often incomplete or misleading when taken too literally. No online assessment or checklist can determine whether someone is autistic, nor can it explain the full complexity of a relationship.
Selected Writing
I write regularly about neurodiverse relationships for both professional and public audiences.
My work has appeared through:
GoodTherapy, where I serve as an Autism Expert and have written extensively on neurodiversity and relationships
American Mensa, including articles exploring meaning, intelligence, and neurodiverse relational dynamics
The Neurodiverse Couple, my subscription newsletter on Substack, where I publish ongoing essays for individuals and couples navigating neurodiversity
These writings address many of the themes explored on this site, including difference without deficit, attribution and misinterpretation, intimacy, and discernment.
Links to selected articles and essays are available below.
I was interviewed by British psychologist Andrew Marshall for his podcast The Meaningful Life. We discussed several aspects of neurodiverse relationships, including communication differences and relational strain.
A link to the conversation is available below.
Professional Perspectives I Respect
There are many thoughtful researchers and clinicians contributing to the understanding of autism and neurodiversity. Two whose work I hold in particularly high regard are:
Simon Baron-Cohen, PhD
Director of the Autism Research Centre at the University of Cambridge. His work has significantly shaped contemporary research on autism. While some of his earlier theories are now outdated, the ongoing research from the Autism Research Centre remains important and worth exploring.
Tony Attwood, PhD
An Australian psychologist whose clinical work with autistic individuals and families spans decades. His writing reflects deep clinical experience and compassion. Although diagnostic language has changed since some of his early publications, the clinical insight remains valuable.
(You will see a photograph of Dr. Attwood and me at the bottom of this page.)
A Note About Language and Change
Language evolves. Some older materials, including some of my earlier writing, may use terms that are no longer current in the United States. While terminology changes, many underlying insights remain useful when read in context.
I encourage you to stay curious and flexible, allowing your understanding to develop over time rather than seeking immediate certainty.
Using Resources Wisely
Remember that you are the expert on your own experience.
Reading and research can support insight, but clarity often unfolds gradually. Something that seems irrelevant at first may resonate later, once your understanding has shifted.
Resources are not meant to replace reflection or conversation. They are meant to support them.
Links to Selected Writing
The Neurodiverse Couple Substack
Interview
With Tony Attwood at a professional meeting in London
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